Podcast Episode 5: Extra relational sex and the gay male couple- exploring the therapeutic terrain

Episode 5 is an interview with Sydney social worker, Paul Andrews.

Arising out of his work with gay male couples, Paul did a major piece of qualitative research in order to better understand how gay couples in committed relationships negotiated the issues around extra- relational sex.

Paul worked for many years as a sexual health counsellor and family therapist. He has worked with people’s sexual issues across the life span- from the identity concerns of late adolescents and early adulthood through the impact on relationships from building families and juggling careers to the experiences of change and loss due to sickness or ageing.

To quote him-

I have seen sex used as an exquisite way to show love and tenderness, and equally to exercise control and express cruelty and betrayal. I have been humbled by the courage and strength shown by survivors of sexual abuse and sexually acquired infections as they reclaim their bodies and rebuild their lives.

Although rigorous in his research methodology, Paul believed that being a gay man himself made it easier to build rapport with participants and gave him greater credibility in the gay community.

For his research Paul interviewed 24 gay men about the strategies they used to manage extra relational sex.

He found that despite diversity of attitudes, values and experiences a core set of processes appeared central to relationship satisfaction.

This research provides some helpful insights into the ways therapists might orient themselves to the therapeutic terrain when working with gay men and extra-relation sex.

My conversation with Paul touches on the sexual revolution of the 70’s, the AIDS crisis, queer theory, shifts in masculine identity,  the gains made in human rights and the challenges of ongoing discrimination.

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